For those of you who follow my blog, you’ll know that I am actively involved with the LGBTIQ community in Sri Lanka. But this post has nothing to do with that. It has more to do with my subconscious observations of human choices and needs that started (the observations, I mean) way before I became an advocate/activist and continues to date. It’s not quite an analysis of why people do what they do but merely a stating of facts. It’s about what people do with their sexuality/sexual orientation. There maybe no right or wrong, just as being of any sexual orientation isn’t wrong. They are merely moments that have been stuck in my head like a diary that I think I need to put down…
Some people live the perfect external existence of heterosexuals. They marry, have children and live out all that is expected of them whilst they turn to multiple same sex lovers in darkened spaces and places in their lives.
Some very ‘straight’ individuals opt to ‘turn’ gay or bisexual for various reasons. They deem it palatable when they weigh it against the benefits. Some for money, some because it’s a convenient escape from bad memories with people of the opposite sex, some simply because they think people of the same sex relate to them better.
Some are proud to be different. It’s not that they chose to swim against the wave, but find themselves against a current and still opt fight it, with pride and conviction. They stand up to a world with a multitude of different voices and say “I’m gay”, “I’m lesbian” etc. And they are willing to fight the good fight until they are accepted for who they are… pretty much more normal than most of the apparent straight laced fellows on the planet.
Some see no difference at all. Sexuality shouldn’t be a differentiating factor just like other givens like race, nationality, hair colour etc. For them there is only one cry, one statement that holds true to the entire human race; the fact that we are ‘one’.
Some stay with their straight lovers for as long as they can, finding their experiences enjoyable but void of moments that take their breath away and a certain oomph that they know that they’ll only find when they’re ready to break free and venture into new territory.
Some go through a great deal of their lives thinking they’re straight only to wake up one day and realize that there is more to life than the mundane they’ve been experiencing and walk readily into a life that holds so much more.
Some have no choice. They love in secret because they have it ingrained in their souls that it they cannot hurt the ones they love. Because, in the process of discovering their sexualities, they are also reminded of the others in their lives, like family and friends whose hearts would be broken if they were to love as they need to, out in the open, just like everyone else. They are stuck between their lovers and everyone else they love.
Some who are born to the privilege of ‘normalcy’ don’t understand the hue and cry from those that are different to them. They don’t understand the very essence of the fact that there could be anything different to the way they think and feel in the first place.
Some have the conviction that every non heterosexual person should ‘come out of the closet’. There is no point hiding who you are. Irrespective of the big, bad world out there, within a community of people who are similar to you, there should be no need to hide who you are and opt for so called ‘better’ company instead.
Some go through life knowing that they aren’t heterosexual right from puberty. They experiment with the same sex but grow up opting not to talk about it. They believe that sex, in any form is personal and should be kept behind closed doors where it belongs. They have no need to ‘come out of the closet’ so-to-speak and don’t understand why some others try to force them to. They believe that the openness of ones sexuality should be a matter of choice. They way they are, suits them just fine after all.
Some opt to go through life pretending and denying themselves of the possibility of more than they have. They go through the motions of life, not knowing how much more is waiting out there for them.
Some rare few are born into families who have no issue with their sexualities or any other choices their children make. They have the opportunity to live their lives free of the prejudice that is an inevitability for most others.
Some dress different, which has no relation their sexuality but get tagged as a certain ‘type’ or sexuality. They don’t know how to let the world know that the outward expression has nothing to with their sexuality or gender*. (see below)
Some have the strong need to identify themselves and be known as one sexuality or the other. They believe that identification markers are an important part of one’s individuality and expression. They are proud to be gay, just as they are proud to be Sri Lankan.
Some people have fluctuating sexualities. They go through life being different sexualities at different points in their lives. They make statements like ‘I’m straight again’, much to the chagrin of their contemporaries although they don’t seem to find any choice in the matter.
Some don’t feel any need to tag themselves based on their sexual behaviour or the people they chose to love. They are in essence, people who don’t believe in the need for tags. They seem to be able love irrespective of a person’s gender* or sexuality.
Some have no clue what to tag themselves as, even if they wanted to. They know they are attracted to both sexes, have been involved with both as well, but can’t seem to pay any heed to a person’s sex or genitalia when it comes to matters of the heart. They wear their hearts on their sleeves, but find ‘bi-sexual’ too limiting a word to use when it comes to love.
Some are merely disgruntled with their relationships and turn towards a new direction hoping to find some peace and love and comfort there, without stopping to question if they belong there or not. Some do. Some don’t. Sometimes both situations work out, sometimes neither do.
Some identify their sexualities based on their sexual behaviour patterns and not by their feelings at all. They’ve not been exposed to the fact that one’s sexuality is not merely determined by having sex and has to do with a complete emotional, physical and spiritual attachment to one gender* or the other.
*Gender is an entirely different issue altogether which only my friend Skywalker can describe with such apt eloquence that I’ll never be able to find on my own, as he’s done here.
There are many more observations that you have probably made. Mine were in relation to people’s sexualities within the bounds of my observations and I thought I’d share them with you. And within those very limitations, I want to still bring back my initial point; nothing is wrong or right.
To round it all off, I’m reminded of a that I think is most apt. I’ve been listening to it while typing this post out but can’t seem to upload ot or find a proper video since youtube is bloody blocked at work. It’s an original by Seal, covered by Alanis Morisette by the name of “Crazy”. Try and give it a listen if you have the time. I’m sure you’ve all heard it. 😛
We’re never going to survive unless we get a little crazy
In a world full of people only some want to fly. Isn’t that crazy?
I don’t have anything personal against gays, and I do believe that they should be allowed to be together even legally if they wish to.
Still, the fact remains that I am not gay and that I’m immensley satisfied with the opposite sex partner, and that I have no intensions of becoming gay – even just to see what it is like, even for one time. It’s just not my thing.
So, when you say;
Some stay with their straight lovers for as long as they can, finding their experiences enjoyable but void of moments that take their breath away and a certain oomph that they know that they’ll only find when they’re ready to break free and venture into new territory.
I don’t see why it should always be like that. You can totally live with an oomph everyday if she/he knows what their doing, even if you’re straight.
Sach – I agree with you wholeheartedly. My reference was to someone who isn’t straight but opts to stay with a straight partner and hence find something missing in their lives.
OK, my bad then.
🙂
I remember the conversation we had in the car (:
btw, you need to update your blogroll 😛
Changing! And yup on the car chat 😀
LQBTIQ ?
Thanks for spotting that out. It’s corrected now. LGBTIQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Queer/Questioning.
Interesting insights… I’d have thought that one’s orientations would manifest themselves during adolescence…
Btw1: Have you noticed that they’ve recently added another Q (‘Questioning’) to the acronym? I guess it reflects the blurred lines that you mention.
Btw2: Have your read Grisham’s ‘The Brethren’? That’s where I first came across the phrase ‘coming out of the closet’.
Have noticed. It was originally meant to stand for Queer actually. Also, I have the book at home, just never read it. Shall do so soon. Thanks for the mention 🙂
Hey Babe
Where does the personality part of your headline come into all of this? Or did I miss the bus completely?
Sexuality vs. Personality
I know a lot of people in Sri Lanka who have been forced into homosexuality purely because of financial reasons. They were poor, homosexuality proved a way out.
I also know a lot of gay people in Sri Lanka both male and female who were coerced into believing it is the cool thing to do.
Both lots had very weak personalities and therefore chose the easy way out, the first for financial freedom the second because they wanted to fit in or just didn’t want a scene.
This whole gay thing in Sri Lanka actually leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth (Heh heh – pun intended) as I know many many people who get groomed into it without any choice in the matter.
The Colombo drama circle a very good example.
As a LGBT activist I think this would seriously merit your investigation?
DONT KILL THE MESSENGER BUT YOU KNOW THIS IS TRUE!
DD
x
Hey Darling D!
Not offended at all. You make some very valid points. Think I need to explain myself based on some of them :
1. The personality part comes in terms of the decisions people make based on their sexuality and who they are, i.e. their personality (and upbringing etc)
2. Both cases you mention are correct and as I mentioned at the end of my post, there are many more types of people that I had described.
3. If someone turns gay based on peer pressure, they’re just lying to themselves. And yes, this too happens.
4. As an activist, my job is to ensure that people get their due rights by standing up against a right-wing, ignorant world. It doesn’t mean that I don’t take notice of the abuse of rights that happens on BOTH ends though.
So, I am not disagreeing with anything you say.
Hugs! Miss you!
Love,
Nats
I stand enlightened! I guess we both kind of meandered into the same page.
Miss you all dreadfully too…
Tc
x
Finally, I get some support! I myself am not gay (proven by loads of nude scenes from Hollywood films hiding in my portable HDD), but I am totally for gay rights! If people want to be or are gay, let them be! Who are we to tell them not to be as such?
I just stumbled across a political view known as Libertarianism which emphasises on personal liberty of the individual (including allowing gay rights)…we should start becoming more Libertarian and perhaps, one day, even start a Libertarian Party of Sri Lanka…what do u ppl think? 🙂
I am a engineer , who is transgendering to male to female, i would like to get know you and have good contacts and relationship with you,
Thankigs you,
Regadrs
Nishanee Perera (Chanaka Perera Former name)
So much positivity for LGBTIQ rights in Sri Lanka… I’m so proud of all you guys! Hugs! I wish I could ‘fight for rights’ too but I’m not out… but I don’t intend to stay that way for long… 😛