Archive for the ‘General’ Category

Fuck the Sleigh Bells!

I said that today. I did. Out loud. In public. And I must say all I got were nods of agreement and gleeful grins in exchange. I was so thrilled in the middle of a stressful day that I thought I’ll blog about it as well. Someone said it sounded like the ideal title for a Christmas porn flick. Ideal title? Hey that almost rhymes! 

Anyways, down to the rationalization of my outburst; I have a client who wanted me to record a 45 sec radio spot full of information with nothing to entice the listener to actually want to listen to it. I tried to make it funny or striking or anything besides just information and she felt that anything other than just the information would take away from her message. So since it was a Christmas spot I thought I’d just add in the sound of sleigh bells between the lines so as to differentiate one offer from the other. She takes one look at the script and sees that she actually has a couple of seconds more in her spot if I had managed to slip in sleigh bells there. So she adds more information into the spot. At the time of the recording, I realized that I would have to forget anything but her words so when someone asked about the sound effect, I just said “fuck the sleigh bells”. Everyone, including the voicing artist knew about my infamous client whose radio spots have so much information that he doesn’t really have time to breath between the lines!

Sigh. I need to stop sighing about everything. Its starting to sound a tad sordid. Like sleigh bells being fucked.

After all, the marzipan centered core of my life has landed. My bestest friend in the whole wide world. The girl who shamelessly tells people to fuck her sideways and call her Charlie. Haven’t seen her yet, but plan to pack in many hours of Marz over the next couple of days. Ok. That’s officially too many fucks in this post.  Have a super first December weekend all. TTFN.


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When December Ends…

(written last night in the nightmare jam)

Stuck in the same place for over an hour in traffic gives you more than enough time to think sometimes. The rain stopped thrashing my windscreen about 20 minutes to  ago but the traffic just won’t let up. Reminds me of my present predicament right now. When one thing seems to start getting sorted out, something else comes along to really screw it up all over again.

I’m trying to sit back and figure out where it all went wrong and all I can do is wonder if I’ve become one of those people who don’t think before they act these days and even if my intentions aren’t what people think they are, it all gets misconstrued anyway. 

Nothing I do seems right. Not even to me. Makes me wonder if I should stay away from any kind of close human bond for a while. I mean I know I need to go to work and it does require me to open my mouth and speak to other people on occasion but I’m sure I can manage to avoid any other form of human contact. I do have Stitch and Mocuishle after all and I know they don’t read too much into anything I do as long as play with them and cuddle them and scratch them in all the right places. Since when did any person you know judge you by how you scratch them anyway? 😉 

I know my posts lately have been quite confusing and nonsensical. I don’t like it all that much either. But there’s only so much you can say in a blog once quite a few people have begun to figure out who you are. And there’s only so much you can keep quiet about sometimes too. Hence the dubiously worded posts. 

But hey, its Christmas time once again and no matter how much I want to avoid it and complain about the numerous carols on the radio since of late, I can’t help but imagine that early morning smell of Christmas in the air and sing along to Santa Baby. Maybe that’s just what I need to get over all this. A big huge dose of Christmas cheer and something special under the tree.

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Faulty Closure


Breathe, trust, bless me and release,
Climb, hard or never be seen.
Closed off, rescue to breathe.
Just bless me.

Two sided time,
Your rebirth can’t hurt,
Branch out behind, the pain.

Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.
Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.

Had to to turn, lay down,
Your sting of disease.
Phase you out, should’ve seen this coming.
Go on confusing the soul,
Hold my breath ’til you rupture.

Three days aside,
Your rebirth can’t hurt,
Branch out behind, pride.

Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.
Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.

Like a leach,
I hold on as if we belonged,
To some precious pure dream.
Cast off, you’ve seen what’s beneath,
Now fail me.

Forget closure,
Forget closure,
Forget closure,
Forget closure.

Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.
Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.

– “Closure” by Chevelle

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Learning to Deal


What happens when life deals you a shitty hand? Put on your best poker face and keep betting? Sounds simple enough. But I judge my hand by my first draw and possibly first drop. Once you think your hand is settled in for the play and you look at your cards to find a hand that you can’t play with, what on earth do you do. I’m talking outside poker here. I have the best poker face on the planet when it comes to playing the game. My dad taught me well enough to beat the pants off him and his posse who used to sit down for a good booze and poker on Sunday afternoons. I wasn’t permitted to even sniff the booze, but I was invited to play with all the old uncles and I loved leaving the table a rich little kid! (Note to self : never refer to daddy’s large male booze buddies as his posse in public)

But when it comes to real life, my hands are constantly shitty, my poker face is non-existent and I’m sure I let everyone have a peek at my cards while I’m at it. Everyone knows how I feel and think about things, I’m way to open for my own good and I think my biggest fault is that I expect the same in return from everyone in my life. When you flash your cards for all to see, you can’t very well expect them not to beat the pants off you right? But is life supposed to work like a poker game. Everyone knows this sandwich is nice, open and always honest about everything. And everyone I have invited to my card table has used that to screw me. Everyone. No exceptions. 

So I’m wondering if I need to play life like I play my poker games. Pretend that no matter what everyone does to me, I don’t give a flying fuck. Eventually I might start believing my own lie and then I really wouldn’t give a damn. Which in turn would lead to people affecting me less. And I firmly believe that people hurt you simply because they know they can. And in my case, I’ve let too many people in on too many things and parts in my life that they all know they can hurt me. And they all do.

So what say you? Close up, build a fort around my soul and play?

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I wanted to title this lately in the life of the missing sandwich, but I fear that RD might sue me. 😉 I also feel like my blog is going to slap me with a malicious abandonment case on of these days. All I seem to do of late is post publicity items for other people. Shame on me. I have honestly been in a state of suspended animation when it comes to find the inspiration to write for the sheer joy of it.

Has that ever happened to you? You’re so busy writing for your job, for other people, for just about everything, that you lost inspiration in yourself, despite the fact that you’re out there doing the most exciting things? Ok, enough, lets take a pregnant pause, give ourselves a heavy sigh and move on.

Here’s a bunch of quick quips from my lost tales…

My long locks have been chopped off into a short crop which I’m quite thrilled with. I haven’t had my hair this short since I was running around in my birthday suit. Now don’t try to imagine an adult woman doing that. I was talking about when I was tiny enough to not know about the Adam and Eve story.

As of today I have exactly a month left to enjoy being 28. Hissy Fits… please do tell. Have the last few months since turning 29 been as bad as I imagine they would be? Someone found a grey hair on my brand new crop the other day and I nearly had a hissy fit myself! And you know, the last few birthdays have been somewhat of a non-event. I turned 25 when the Tsunami hit and it was the last real party I had. Even if I think of organizing one for myself, I am filled with so much guilt that I push the idea out of my head immediately. How do you celebrate one person’s birthday on a day that commemorates the death of hundreds of thousands? Sigh. I’ll just convince myself that 29 is not one of those things I would want to remember and move on right? Double sigh.

The Solidarity Gaymes are almost apon us. Just a few weeks more and those long late planning meetings will be over and the dream will more than become a reality. The advertising work is more than getting noticed which I’m over the moon about. We even got a call from a mag in the US who called the campaign “brilliant”. They’re planning on running the campaign in their next issue with a write up on the “gaymes”. Needless to say, the team is thrilled. What started out as us trying to relate to Sri Lanka’s hidden gay community, has touched so many more. (shamelessly giving myself a massive tap on the back here)

RD, I’m answering your question here since I decided to remove my previous post. Its not a stupid question at all. I’ve been meaning to do a post on this anyway and I guess I may as well kill 2 birds with one blog post. LGBTIQ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Intersex and Questioning/Queer. The T and I are genders as apposed to the others being sexualities. The difference between gender and sexuality is another topic altogether! Transgendered persons are those who identify as the opposite sex which morphs into trans-sexual once a gender changing surgery is performed. Intersex, to very briefly explain it, are those born with both sexual and/or reproductive organs. Hope I’ve clarified this for you. Let me know if you need to know more. I’m becoming somewhat of an expert on the topic these days. He he.

To end off this varied post, I want to apologize that I haven’t been on kottu much as well over the past month or so. I haven’t read much of what you have been saying, I don’t think I’ve commented at all. What have I missed? Have any of you done anything that I missed? How many weeks of continuous reading do I have to catch up? Or can I just pick up from your latest posts and continue to read?

Oh yeah… and you can all sleep easy now. The sandwich has returned. 😉

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Never say never!

Thanks for the tag Jade.

Was wondering what things I’ve never done I should mention here. You see for me they fall into 2 different categories : things I’ve never done & will never do or thing that I’ve never done which I am yet to do. I’ll opt for the latter, no point in talking about my lofty morals here eh? Here we go…


1. I have never eaten goat testicles (heard its a delicacy in Finland or somewhere)

2. I have never hang-glided (its the closest thing to growing wings and I wanna fly!)

3. I have never been thin as an adult (I was such a skinny child, wonder where all those pounds came from!)

4. I have never been able to drive a stick shift since my driving test (sigh. shamelessly fall into the typical woman category here)

5. I have never camped out in Horton Plains (yes, yes, I have a sick masochistic desire to freeze my ass of in the great outdoors)

6. I have never died and been brought back (Apparently it is clinically possible. A friend of mine, a medical student has promised to experiment a chemical cocktail that promises to kill & bring me back, so I have gladly volunteered to be his guinea pig!)

7. I have never popped ‘e’ (wanna! wanna! wanna!)

8. I have never had a roll in the hay (seriously, I wanna do it in a barnyard in a haystack!)

9. I have never spent the night in a cemetery (think I can pop that ‘e’ and do this at the same time? Imagine what a trip that would be!)

10. I have never given birth (can’t say that I haven’t been a mum, because I am, Stitch & Mocuishle are a testament to that everyday)

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Conveniently Yours…

Do you care about the silly thoughts that travel through my head?

Do you even care that I’ve made it home safe and into my bed?

Do you know about the things that keep me awake with dire dread?

Do you know anything about me at all?


Or is it all about your notion of me

Your version of me

That you’ve built in up in your mind

So unkind

That leaves the real me out of your way

Making it easier for you to stray


It was always so much easier wasn’t it?

You could express your pseudo version of guilt

Knowing it will keep me from hating you

Knowing it will keep me wanting you

So that you can run back, just in case


How convenient for you

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