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Archive for the ‘Marzipan’ Category

invictus_by_ingeniousart

This one’s not quite for me. It’s just something that my best friend (that Marzipan coated one) believed in with all her soul since she was 17. I read it from time to time and realize how much I’m evolving into it, as dramatic as the words are. In case you’ve never read it before, I wanted to share it with you. And I know some of you might relate. 🙂

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When December rolled around, I made a promise to her and myself that I will turn things around for myself. That a new dawn will come and I will start anew. Be born again and rise from the ashes as I usually do when terrible things come my way. Of course unlike all the crappy things that have happened in my life, this last situation has to have been the worst. If I go into the gory details right now, you won’t believe me anyway.

 I didn’t make a big list in my head or anything but somehow I knew that at midnight on the last day of this year, it would hit me. Almost like a list would appear from no where and it would be exactly what I needed to get through this year. 

Things happened. Christmas came and went, so did my birthday. Before I knew it I was on a midnight ride to Tissamaharama. I woke up the next morning, had a drink and toasted to the last day of the year with a tiny tinge of anticipation about what midnight would hold for me. 

We went on a boat ride. The wind was flying through my hair. I had my best bud with me and things seemed so nice. Off we went on what I would like to call a soul safari. Sadly I didn’t spot any leopard. But going back to Yala was like going back home. You see my Dad had this little holiday home by the lake in Weerawila and I would spend many of my vacations there. Inevitably it would lead to a weekly ride through the jungle on one of Daddy’s jeeps.

Going back into the area reminded me of exactly how much of my father’s daughter I am. My mum hated the outdoors and hunting and big game fishing and camping and everything my father was about. She tried her hardest to keep me away from it as well. But the older I grew, my passion for the outdoors became like an infectious disease. I craved for it more and more. Thank heavens for those few vacations I had in Trinco over the last few years or I would have died. There’s something about places in this country with minimal inhabitants that touch a chord in me. But Yala and Tissa and Weerawila are all about my childhood. About a time when things were simpler. A time I can appreciate far more now than I could then. I remember vacationing there with Mirantha. Of how we made our little base of operations in the back garden by the lake. Of how we screamed obscenities at the passers by as we drove to Katharagama. Yessiree… I am Daddy’s Girl.

Flash forward : The camp site was set up, the BBQ was on its way. Everyone was drinking up and smoking up and having a good time. Just when it got close to midnight I walked off and sat alone. Waiting. For that big moment to hit me. Midnight came and went. And I was still waiting. I could hear them calling out my name and looking for me. But I still waited. The moment just had to hit me. Some huge miraculous thing. And it didn’t. I sat there alone in the darkness and finally Marzipan found me, flung her arms around me and wished me a happy new year. 

Everything else was a bit of a haze until the following morning. I opened my tent flap and witnessed the most beautiful sunrise. The world looked as though it had been washed in a golden glow. And then it hit me. The fact that nothing was supposed to hit me at all. I mean what was I expecting? A shooting star to fall on my head the previous night?

I came back to Colombo missing the jungle and the little vision quest that I thought I was on. It feels a little incomplete that a menhir didn’t crack my skull open. But in the process, I think I realized that the best thing I can do for myself is not to wait for those special moments and plan for them and expect something epic to happen.

I’m going to let 2009 happen to me because I know I can handle  just about anything, come what may. What’s important is that I am stronger than anyone has ever given me credit for. Than even I have.

What’s important is that I’ll be ok. 

233516550949sunriseatyalalodge

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The Smashing Pumpkins said “believe in the resolute urgency of now” and as if to contradict themselves, they also said “the more you change the less you feel” 

I think both those statements just about sums up the last 2 weeks of my life. The last 2 weeks in which I have not been in contact with the rat race, internet and at times not even been where I could get phone signals to boot. All I can say is that I want to run back and re-live them. There are no words to explain the feelings, so I’ll give you the low-down and let you feel for yourself. 

I landed at Marzipan’s on Christmas day and never left. I went home once to get clothes but that was about it. For those of you who don’t know Marzipan, she’s my bestest friend in the whole world. Since my birthday was the next day, she organized a surprise birthday BBQ and invited the rest of our friends with whom we all grew up together. It was amazing to say the least. They served as a reminder that not all of my 29 years were a waste. 

The next few days were a haze of alcohol, cigarettes and way too much weed. It was fabulous. It reminded me of how much of a bum I am inside. I work hard, play hard and do all those rat-racy things that are expected of me just to survive. But if I had a choice, I sit around doing nothing, smoking up and being happy. Doing nothing makes me happy? Did I say that? That’s the effect of so much grass in my system I guess.

Then someone came up with a harebrained scheme to camp out in Yala on 31st night. So we all packed off and set out, doing just that. It was like coming home for me after spending so many months of my childhood there. And we found a perfect spot on the beach, set up camp and had the most unusual 31st night ever. Shooting stars, the wilderness and perfect company. Who could ask for more?

Add to that boat rides & a river bath in Tissa, a peaceful night in Unawatuna with some outta this world grass and I don’t think I wanted anything to do with Colombo anymore.

The best part of it all? That I am blessed to have the bestest friend in the whole wide world. Someone who would do so much just to see a smile on my face. I can’t believe your gone Mars. Its like the light went out of the world all over again.

I’m so proud of the woman she has become. She is mellower and despite how much she complains of the weight she’s put on, I really looked at her and what I saw was a mother. A beautiful, loving mother with the perfect baby boy. She is blessed and I am blessed to have a wild-child turned mother-goddess as my best friend.

And my New Year resolution? Not to make one.

I think this is going to be the year where I take life as it comes.  

Happy New Year blogsphere… 

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This Friday is a day I have been dreading since this year began. I’ll start to live the last year of my life as a 20-something. Yuck. Disgusting. Terrible. Incorrigible. How will I stand being a 30-something after that? I was told that more people will start to take me seriously. Well screw that. I just want to stay young. Since this is going to be my last post for this week, I thought I’d do my birthday post in advance and tell you 29 things that I have learned since I graced this earth with my perfect nose and non-stop chatter. There’s something special about being born during the holidays. You get 2 presents. Everyone is in a festive mood. And the celebrations never stop. Unlike most people I don’t go to sleep on the 25th of December thinking that its all over. I go to sleep thinking I’m waking up to yet another day of celebrations and this time its going to all centre around me. The last few years have been a bit of a non-event though. What with the Tsunami and everything else that’s been going on in my life, I really haven’t felt very much like celebrating. This year I finally want to throw caution to the wind and have a ball and then Mrs. Santa decided not to grant me one of my wishes. No bonus = no money to celebrate. Sigh. Never mind, here are my 29 pearls of wisdom for you…

  1. The best way to avoid braces as a child is to stick your hand in the fan as a baby. I did when I was only a few months old and had to stop sucking my fingers. For some strange reason I never sucked my thumb. But needless to say, I have perfect, albeit shortish teeth.
  2. Ensure that you have a best friend who you can completely be yourself around. Ideally this friend should have no inhibitions. Mine farts, burps and does virtually every disgusting thing possible around me so that I can do the same around her too.
  3. Everybody else’s mother winds up being your best friend whilst your mum never understands you, but is always available for a chat when your friends have a problem
  4. Always have pets. When no one understands you, they will. It helps to create a language they comprehend. If required my dictionary of doggie language can be shared with others.
  5. If you know someone well enough, they can never lie to you because you can see right through them
  6. Indulge. When you can afford it and really want to, just go ahead. Its far better than living in regret & deprivation
  7. If you find a grey hair, panic.
  8. Make a list of things you want to do before you reach a certain age. Just thinking it won’t help make it happen.
  9. Make sure you’re swept off your feet at least once in your lifetime
  10. There’s only one person in your life whose lips relate to yours. The perfect kiss is not an urban legend but it may not be a lasting attachment
  11. Understand the difference between like and love. Strangely enough, it was one of the tougher lessons I had to learn
  12. Learn to be a little cynical, it saves a lot of heartache
  13. Despite what the books say, no one loves like they’ve never been hurt
  14. On the eve of your 29th birthday, sit down with your gay cousins and plan your funeral. They’ll tell you that once you’re passed 30, you become a walking corpse. Gay men are more honest with you about yourself that anyone else is.
  15. Don’t ask ‘does this make me look fat?’ If you don’t know yourself, don’t expect anyone else to lie to you.
  16. Get to know people outside your usual circle. You’ll be amazed at how much you learn and how much your strangely have in common
  17. Stand up for what you believe in. Don’t wait for someone else to and then just back them up. The first stand is what matters.
  18. The Peppers were right when they said ‘music is my aeroplane’
  19. When the world gets you down, when someone hurts you beyond repair, don’t hold it in. Numbness does more damage than you can imagine. Lock everything out, cry for days on end if you must, because when you finally go back out, you’ll find that you can actually laugh about it. Its amazing medicine for the soul.
  20. Everybody, every single person you love and trust will let you down at some point. And you can never be prepared for it.
  21. Lemonade isn’t the only thing you can make when life hands you lemons. There are quite a few cocktail recipes online.
  22. If you let the sun go down on your anger, you’ll wake up feeling like a cow.
  23. You’re not intelligent if you don’t have a sense of humour, even if the joke is on you
  24. Don’t define your life by whom or what you love. Love is a bonus, not the be-all and end-all of it
  25. Complete honesty from someone you love is the greatest gift that their love can give you
  26. Never fake an orgasm. What’s the point in getting naked with someone if you’re not going to enjoy it?
  27. Decide if you’re going to work for the money or satisfaction and don’t complain about it. They both may come together, but that’s just a bonus.
  28. Don’t leave anything behind. There’s no point in being remembered after your gone if you weren’t thought of when you were.
  29. Shake what your mama gave you.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you’re surrounded by the people that mean the most to you. There’s no greater gift.

Ps. Family isn’t necessarily the one you’re born into 

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The general reply to this regular outburst of mine is generally – uh… I’ll just call you Charlie. I love the reactions that come before though. Its generally an outburst I have when I hear shocking news. It’s something I’ve stolen from my best friend who is full of witty phrases like that. God I miss her. She’s been the only one who can pull me through my depression. The only one who would slip into that dark abyss and stay there with me when I’m not ready to face the light of day as yet. She’s literally thousands of miles away from me. Too much money away from me. I have to wait until December. Too long. Way too long to survive without her.

Its funny. The 2 of us. Got the same results for our exams. Married the same year. Went through similar crises at exactly the same time. And now she’s not here. The marzipan filled centre of my life. Sometimes I wonder if she realized how important she is to me. There’s no one else I care for as much as her. Absolutely no one. I have never been able to be myself completely around anyone but her. I’ve got so used to wearing masks around people that its hard not to be able to completely take it off sometimes. Its slips and I put it back on. But I can’t just rip it off unless she is here.

I smoked my first joint with her. Not that anyone would think its something big to talk about but most of my famous firsts like that have been with her around. When I first fell in love she was there to pick up the pieces of my clumsy handling of everything.

Marz, if you’re reading this can’t do this wedding without you woman. The rest of you, transliterate that into Sinhala and you’ll know what I mean.

Come home sooner. I need to go on a three days binge of alcohol and a bunch of illegal substances and I want to do that with you. Then I want to wake up and watch the sunrise and have you hold me while I cry. The I want you to threaten to “slap my tits” and make me laugh hysterically and let it all out of my system so that I can begin to move on again.

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