From time to time I’ll be adding bits of rubbish that comes into my head. From freak recipes I’ve conconcted in my youth to insane poerty about raindrops on butt-cheeks. It may come across as a little chicken-soupish, but lets see how it pans out. Hopefully it’ll be more duck soup that chicken.
Chapter 1
Changing Lanes
Not a trace
In this place
Of the girl
I once erased
In her stead
Stands with dread
Revenge
With a saccharine face
Chapter 2
The Gemini Complex
Hey Gemini, you two-faced soul
What would you do, if I split in three myself
And threw it right back at your face?
Could a moment just be replaced
As she crawls back into your head
From your life I’ve been erased
Chapter 3
Muddy Morning
Raindrops keep falling on my head
I wish they didn’t
They trickle down
All the way
Reaching places
I’d rather keep dry
To be honest, I prefer downpours
Wicked torrentials
Splashing gusts of wind
That kindly caress
Passionate places
Raising hairs like a human touch
(29th August 2007)
Chapter 4
Fear
I am afraid
Of never doing great things
of being the nobody
I feel I already am
When the road less travelled came,
I took it
And the other route too
Both together in fact
Now I’m good at neither
Just average at all.
There are no more roads to take
Just by-ways,
that scare me shitless.
My soul trembles
I am afraid.
Chapter 5
Love at Second Sight
And somewhere inside I knew
24 hours and there you were again
Coincidence
or the torement of cruel deities?
the 71 days have begun
and they are already ending
and all I seem to have of you are
cold cold smiles and casual shrugs
sending me evil messages
of indifferece
And there I go,
so clumsy at being the cool one
Unable to deny my reflection in your eyes
so I glance away
too quickly
everytime
Why didn’t I see it when I first saw you
epic thespian boy with that stature of yours
totally out of my league
as I am out of your thoughts
I want to squeeze my eyes shut
and block you out
but only half the time
the other half is already yours
and you’ll never know
as I’ll never forget
May 8, 2008
Chapter 6
Soul Sucker
You took her
and licked her
and left her to die
you bastard
you can’t see
that this is not I
you’ve turned her to vengeance
and she will return
to take you
and waste you
make you want to burn
you’ll want me
and need me
but I’ll turn away
and then you will know boy
how I feel today
May 9th, 2008
Chapter 7
Lonesome Lullaby
Another sleepless night as the thunder claps – no applauds just outside
hovering somewhere in my garden.
And also where you are sleeping, I think
Do you sleep by a window? I wonder…
I hope it woke you up for a minute so that we’re both up at this ungodly hour
I can hear the first drops of rain fall now like tears after the ovation at my brilliant performance
my disguise as the semi-psychotic girl
when the truth is – I think I love you
love at second sight
I’ll have to believe in that almost cliche now
i wanted to tell you the other night that for the first time
I didn’t need to sing that lonely ocean song of mine
you probably wouldn’t understand
but it was because I chanced apon you just then
and i bled twice over trying to stop myself from letting go
but you don’t want to be the answer
but if i stop, then I’ll have nothing of you
not even these silly little nuances of hope
that keep me awake
insanity over-rides
as fear sets in
with a bitter sense of resentment
that I must learn
to live without the only thing I want from you
because it possibly, if ever
only existed in a fleeting moment
that even you forget when the night was over
So hush now and close you eyes
For I’ll be up all night again
I’ve gone and fallen just when I need to rise up again
Chapter 8
Heathcliff?
Gone too far
too far for you to see me as me
as someone who you could kiss incessantly
and caress in the wee hours
when all the world is asleep
except our heartbeats
I dare you to squeeze your eyes shut
and open then anew
to me
look beyond the exterior
see beyond what you know
and discover me
in that contorted view of romance that you have
behind the contorted view of me
71 days
slipping through my fingers
I repeat diseased mantras in my head
some notion about being alright
but how can I even want to be so
when I’d rather have you
think of you…
the boy I cannot have
and then sigh myself to sleep
because even the tears won’t flow
my system is still parched without you
touch me as you
touch the real me
not a piece of fiction
who you always planned to walk out on
in 71 days
Chapter 9
When the day comes
What is wrong with you?
Seriously.
Are you that dense that you can’t see what’s right in front of you?
Right next to you?
So oblivious that you opt to keep you eyes shut to it?
Go ahead, tell me what you must.
Answer all my questions.
All but the one I won’t ask.
Because I’m old fashioned enough to still want you to ask it.
I’m not resigned to the fact that you have no inclination of wanting to.
Maybe somewhere deep inside I’ve accepted it,
but that part of me shall remain burried for a few more weeks.
Until the day comes
and I am forced to walk in the opposite direction,
because you’re already acorss the bridge,
encased in your disease
and racing miles away from me.
Chapter 10
Viral Verses
You’re like the ocean crashing into the corners of my soul
Taking me to places you don’t want to go
But I want to go with you
You’re like the moonlight hiding behind a translucent cloud
Keeping the shadows all for yourself
Never making me the light
You’re like a kiss that’s seconds away from happening
Just a millisecond away from my lips
that you pull away from
You’re like a hero from my favourite piece of fiction
who will always refuse to come true
because I’m not a heroine
You’re like a panther that never pounces on me
Containing it in the corners of yourself
And exploding alone
You’re like a virus to infecting the very core of me
Sickening me with your casual shrug
and I’m dead already
You’re my soul without her mate
Because you prefer the lack of completion
Afraid of not wanting more
Too young to have it all
Not old enough to stop wanting for more
And I understand more than I care to admit
That all the reasons point away from me
Not just for today
But forever
Away from your fingertips
touching me
Away from your heart
knowing mine
Away from your soul
finally finding kindred
I love your site. Keep it up !
Hi,
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Cheers,
Hey Natalie,
This is Amelia and I’ve been reading your blog with keen interest. 🙂
Would it be all right for you to share your email address with me? I’d like to get in touch with you regarding a project I’m currently working on. The project is still confidential at this stage, but I wonder if I can tell you a little more through email.
Could you please drop me an email at amsiewong (at) gmail (dot) com?
Hope to hear from you soon. 🙂
Thanks much!
Amelia