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Posts Tagged ‘Turning 30’

I woke up in a foul mood today. Instinctively I knew something was wrong. And then I checked the date. I am exactly a month away fro turning 30. A pounding headache & a nightmarish day ensued. And then I checked my mail. A friend of mine sent me a link to a video, posted on this blog. It made me sit still, listen and read and despite the tears at that came at the end of it, I found my reason to believe. I maybe growing older, but my reasons for being are still intact. The personal ones not so much, the purposes more so. Made me want to rush into a phone booth and get into that red cape all over again. It’s beautiful & painful & all too true. Have a watch will ya?

Do pardon the corny song. The lyrics are meant to motivate, so it serves its purpose 🙂

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I know I was grumbling about a month ago that I needed to make up a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 30. I stopped stressing about it for a while and got on with other things. But that little nagging thought at the back of my mind that time was running out did wander in my direction from time to time.

As of today I have 8 months left to do whatever it is I come up with. And after a long weekend of many things, I think I have that list nailed. It’s not a lot of things. And my last post on this topic ended with me realizing that I needed to find my mojo first. And that at last has been located. Silly of me not to realize that I may have left it somewhere that I last felt alive in. I took a drive down there over the weekend, found it dancing away with the waves along the Unawatuna beach. It was promptly packed back inside my system where it’ll hopefully remain this time.

With the return of my jinthu, so to speak, things are so very much clearer. There was a deliberation about me earlier which I realize now was highly unnecessary. I was purposely searching for what I thought would be best for me in my present predicament. It never happens that way. And it was also not necessarily what was best for me, just because I imagined it would be that way. Things are going to happen far more naturally from now on.

Without any further ado, here’s my “before I’m 30” list :

1. Take a walk on the wild side
2. Don’t be answerable to anyone but myself
3. Don’t give a damn about the opinions of others who have no clue who I really am
4. Find my dream home, rent it & move in
5. Turn 30 in Una or on a beach away from Colombo!

Short & sweet innit?

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Ok, I think it’s safe to say I established my present age in numerous posts before and see no need to continuously repeat it. But I with a friend on Monday night who asked me about the list in my head of what I wanted to do before I’m 30. Not things I wanted to achieve, mind. Just do. And besides a couple of things, I came out blank. Me? The queen of list making couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do before the year was out. I gazed and gazed and gazed at Lulu trying to type something on her for the last 3 days. To make that list and post it here. Nothing came to me. So instead of trying to think it out, I though I’d start to type this post and see where it takes me.

I’m wondering if it’s that I’ve lost my mojo or jinthu so to speak that could think up a million kinky or adventurous things I wanted to do in a nanosecond. So why am I drawing a blank now. As we grow older and more jaded are we meant to lose those the few nicer things about ourselves as well? The things which never came into the equation when you needed to shave off the ugly, pick up the remains and move on? These things were meant to be constants. Like my muse. She just upped and took off a few months ago and I’m wondering what it is I have to do to get her to come back.

I woke up in the heart of Colombo on Tuesday morning at the crack of dawn because I was hanging with a friend. And I was in awe of what I saw. A city coming to life. Light just beginning to creep in. A man pounding away at a gym on the 13th floor somewhere. A soldier stifling a yawn on the streets below. A series of bulbs going off in tall buildings, making way for the sun. The ocean glowing like a bed of jewels. A solitary bird looking for a perch. Put all of that together and I have no words to describe how beautiful it was. I should have been inspired to start writing right away. But all I did was light a cigarette, take it all in and go back to sleep. Why?

I’m honestly clueless. I’ve taken every possible drastic action possible to get her back. Trust me, I have. And still nothing. Ideas are my life. Creative ones. And minus the muse, I’m getting bored and complacent at the same time. Bored with what I’m doing now. Complacent because I can’t seem to figure out what else I could do. Under normal circumstances as much as I love advertising I could also come up with a lost of alternatives in a nanosecond too.  

That’s what I need I guess. My muse. My ability to come up with a big list of things. With alternatives. With the ability to never be bored just because I conquered the mountain I wanted to. Hopefully I’ll get it all back soon and I’ll be able to make that list. 30 isn’t going to be a far away number for too long and I’m running out of time.

There. I put it all out. Hopefully things will start to improve now.

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