Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Thanks BlackLullaby & Polka Dots for the tag. I’ve opted to use a term from Richard Bach when he wrote a letter to his younger self in The Bridge Across Forever because it is essentially things I really wish I knew then, which I’ve learned now.


Dear sandwich of 17,

You turn 30 this year and it’s been a long journey. Most of what you’ve done is pretty darn good between where you are and where I am now. Here’s just a few things to look out for along the way :

You’re going to skip an A/L exam. It will make for a pretty neat story to tell when you’re older, but it will also prevent you from getting the aggregate you need to go to Uni. You’ll regret it but you ought to know that you do pretty good for yourself career wise until you wake up one morning close to 30 and realize that you’ve been selling soap for a living, albeit in much prettier terms.

Your save-the-world complex never really goes away. It converts itself into a mother hen variant though. You are a nurturer through and through so don’t you ever doubt it when your own mother says you can’t even take care of yourself. There’s plenty of evidence out there to the contrary.

Don’t be such a prude about sex. 23 is way too late in the day to give it away. Trust me, when you finally find someone you can completely open up with sexually, you’ll be able to unlock doors within you that you never knew existed. In my case it was fairly late in the day that I discovered that. Go out there, get laid, enjoy it. You don’t have to worry about becoming promiscuous; we just aren’t built that way 🙂

Your mum was right though. You don’t really take care of yourself. Especially your heart. As a result it will lead you to making the worst relationship decisions of your life until you turn 29 and finally discover otherwise. It will also result in the terrible friendships with people who walk all over you. But you finally learn to stand up for yourself at 29 too. You get married way too early and it takes you away from the person you are now at 17. But rest assured, 29 will come with you rediscovering your former self and your former passions like never before. You’ll have someone perfectly unorthodox to thank for it. I’m not telling you who though. It’s someone you need to discover for yourself. And trust me, the surprise will be startlingly pleasant. The friends I have today and the people I love in this very moment, I wouldn’t trade for anything else in the world.

You look for the poetry and romance in everything. You’ll watch a masterpiece called 2001:A Space Odyssey and feel all warm and fuzzy inside when Dr. Floyd video conferences his little daughter & feel like crying when HAL 9000 is disconnected. You’ll watch AI and curl up in a ball and cry because the robot is abandoned. Don’t ever regret your ability to feel so intensely even if the fact that no one gets that about you will bring you down. You will hurt a lot. But you will also love a lot. Don’t ever deny the intensity and the capacity of your heart. You feel everything. It’s rare. Treasure it.

I know you’re in a rush to grow up, but I have some bad news for you on that front. You never do. Live with it. Your child-like optimism will get you through some pretty dark days and trust me; the decade ahead will be the darkest of your life. But you will come through it and learn to live and love again.

Irrespective of what anyone tries to tell you, you’re a good girl Nat and that’s important to know. I’ve watched you for years, seen how you’ve handled things that would have turned most others stark raving mad or the epitome of bitchiness, to say the least. You’ve just stood there with so much grace and smiled through it all, opting to hurt alone. No matter how hurt you are, you try your hardest to keep things peaceful for anyone else involved, both victim & villain. You have a fierce sense of loyalty that seems unparalleled sometimes and woe unto anyone who hurts someone you love.

Your strengths are your weaknesses and what hurts you most is the lack of reciprocation of feelings. But it’s all-good. You’re going to get through it all. People think you’re superwoman because of how strong you come across but you’re a bloody softy on the inside. I repeat : You’re a good girl. Don’t you dare forget it.

I won’t promise you a storybook ending, but you’re going to have the kinds of adventures others only dream of, every step of the way. Now go out there and live it!


Me, now aged 29 years, 10 months and 16 days.

P.s. Stop looking for the meaning of life, the universe and everything. Doug Adams already did that. The answer is 42. Go figure.

I hereby tag Hissyfits/Drama Queen/ The mad cat woman etc & the lovely ladies over at Aappa Thachchiya


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I have a tendency to want to solve things and I’m at my wits end with this one. So maybe you can help me out here. What I need is someone who can give me an opinion without being biased one way or the other.

Here’s the deal, a friend of mine recently said that she had the best sex of her life.

The problem is that from what everyone assumed, it was supposed to be a one-night stand. They come from two different worlds and it just didn’t seem like it was going to lead anywhere. I was a tad concerned for her at first when she seemed to be giving into what was going to happen so easily and then I thought, fuck all these moralistic thoughts. If 2 consenting adults want to have sex, let them! I doubt that I would have stressed about it like that if I was in the situation (all part of my new walk on the wild side attitude I think) so why was I bothering with these thoughts when I knew she was clearly going to have some much needed enjoyment?

That’s not where the problem lies though. That was just my ranting and narcissistically wanting parts of my life in this story as well. Her problem lies in the fact that it was the best sex of her life. Why is that a problem you ask? Well, when one lover makes every other one in her life pale in comparison and the whole incident was treated like a one-night stand… don’t you think it would be an issue? It’s not a case of falling in love. Let’s not over-think it on those levels. But once you have such super sex why be deprived of more of it?

And so my friend wants to find out if he wouldn’t mind repeat performances, much to the chagrin of our friends. They told her to leave it at the fact that she had a good time and not cheapen herself by contacting him. I opened my mouth to echo this trend of thought but somehow the words didn’t seem to come out. And then I wondered, if it was a case of cheapening oneself, the fact that she consented to randomly having sex with someone she barely knew would have done it anyway, right? And like I said before, consenting sex between two single adults isn’t really something to call in the troops about. It ain’t that scandalous. I wish Sri Lanka would get over her cultural quagmire of bullshit so that we could all go to our graves happier to have really lived.

What I did tell her, I told her, with as much sensitivity as I could (freight-train like I think). I said that if the feeling was mutual, he may have tried to get in touch with her, which he hasn’t. So why should she contact him? Men are generally not as awkward about things like this as women, or so that seems to be the assumption with me. If this was between two women, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it telling her to go for it. And this guy isn’t your everyday sort. He occasionally has his dip in a bunch of very nice pools. But she was very different from his usual fucks, to put it crudely. So things may go either way.

But my friend has a fragile ego (don’t all women?) and I don’t want her to get shot down by someone she may have to run into from time to time and feel that sense of shame and awkwardness around him if he doesn’t respond to her. It’s not like asking someone out on a date after all, this is asking for sex. The options in my head right now are these; she could wait for him to approach her, she could go ahead and call him or she could come to terms with the fact that she has one super memory to take with her to her grave. They all come with consequences and some with possibilities.

What say you?

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