Strange way to start a week in this indecisive manner about sexuality, but I need clarification. You see, I was told that anyone who calls themselves ‘bi-sexuals’ are either liars or can never be faithful. Being ignorant on these matters, I decided at the time, to nod my head and agree. A nagging doubt never left my mind though and I want to put it up for discussion here. At least so that I can argue it out with myself. You see when I write, I don’t really know where my post is going to end, I just let the words lead me.
Back to the topic at hand. 2 points were raised. First being all bi-sexuals are liars. Why? I asked them. They replied, confidently that bisexuality was merely a gay man’s safety net. Not quite having to come out and say you’re “gay”. People find it easier to accept a bi-sexual, I was informed. Is that true? I mean really? If someone has a problem with you being gay, why wouldn’t they have a problem with you being bi? Or is it just half the time? Not trying to make a joke here at all, just trying to clarify.
The second point : a bi-sexual can never be faithful. When prodded into further, it was revealed that a bi-sexual will never be happy in one type of relationship because they will always miss the other. Now if we were to judge relationships on a purely sexual platform, I guess this would be spot-on. But I wonder if we only get into relationships because of our sexual preferences or if we can actually be attracted to more than meets the eye.
When it comes to myself, I can honestly say that I have no clue as to what my sexuality is. You could say that I’m bi-sexual, but besides being attracted to women physically, I have had no sexual contact with them. I have however, had very meaningful friendships with women to who I have had no sexual feelings for. Hell, I can take a shower with my best friend today and tell you nothing’s gonna happen. I am married to a man not just because he is a straight male but because I fell in love with his soul. I’m a bit of an achcharu that way.
But my argument still ensues… were these people right about bi-sexuals? Were they only judging it on a purely physical level? I would love to know.
P.s. This is not a post about labels. I personally hate them. It is just a debate about people who are physically attracted to both men and women.
I hate Homos, Gays and Bi’s ……. I feel uneasy when they are near
I appreciate your honesty, but may I ask why you feel uneasy? This maybe an unfair conclusion again, but people who are generally uneasy around something different, are uneasy simply because they just don’t understand it. I would just like to hear what you have to say.
I think the theory holds true. Makes sense too if you ask me especially considering the restrictive social conditions in SL.
your questions wont revolve anything bc they contain generalizations
don’t do that. if you want to judge or want others to make judgments, do so for individuals separately not for groups of ppl .
so say person abc is a hypocrite and/or unfaithful bc he calls himself bi instead of gay, if you know the relevant details. but those details wont be true to the person xyz who calls himself bi. grouping them together won’t get you anywhere.
personally i think everyone is bi whatever labels they/we apply to ourselves. but why they apply the label you have to decide individually. it is individuals who decide to to lie or cheat or honestly believe in the label or whatever.
resolve not revolve – sorry
Totally agree with you sittingnut, but I wasn’t making generalizations as such. Just commenting on someone else’s generalized POV.
Hey Theena! How have you been?
Hey, Sandwich.
Doing good. Yourself?
Totally agree with sittingnut Nats… He or She took the words right outta my fingers…
Really good Theena, new job is tiring but fun. Have my nose to the grindstone but doing work I really love for a change.
Ruks – I find it very strange that you agree with sittingnut because you were one of the people who made the statments about bi-sexuals to begin with. Nice to know this post has changed your mind.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said love is about souls connecting & there’s no explaining sexual attraction. Chemistry is an enigma & we cannot control to whom we feel drawn that way. As I like to say, we’re all a little bit crazy & we’re all a little bit gay. Isn’t it just easier that way??
I have been married to a wonderful woman for 25 yrs. I am bi, NOT gay. I enjoy the pleasures of both. My choice if I had to pick one, is woman.
I don’t see why people will say your gay if your bi. Gay means men only. I guess it must be hard for some minds to understand.
I feel sorry for gay guys because they are missing out of the pleasures a woman can bring sexually. I said sexually because gay men do like women as friends.
I don’t for a second feel like either of those statements are true. I am bi and I don’t even enjoy sex unless I feel a connection with the person I’m in bed with. I’ve been used PLENTY of times by girls who just wanted to see what it was like, (you can read my post on it: http://eves705.wordpress.com/2009/11/29/the-bi-curious-chronicles-the-beginning/) and it was never very pleasurable. Bi people CAN be faithful, because if they find someone who they feel connected with-no matter which gender- that’s all they are going to need.
And bi-sexuals aren’t liars! Sexuality isn’t black and white. There is every shade of gray in between the two ends of the spectrum. It’s like.. when people fantasize they can go back and forth between submissive and dominant fantasies… why can’t they go back and forth between wanting sexual experiences with women and men? It’s just craving a wide range of things, which is totally normal.
Well this post should be talking about bi-sexuality in Sri Lanka . Not in general.
I’m saying it because yes we cant judge any one and say Bi men are not faithful or they are liars. But when it comes to Sri Lankan Bi men ( as “nolin” above ) they think bi sexuality means to marry a woman and go and sleep around with men secretly. You were very correct sandwich u love some ones soul. U marry a person because u love that person and that doesn’t give u a right to go and sleep with the other gender just because ur Bi. That’s cheating. If the married couple has a open relationship and if the woman knows that the man is having sex with men also and if she’s ok with that then that’s fine. But in this case i know loads of Bi guys who call them self bi who fall in love with a guy deeply and then go and get married to another woman. That may be because of the social, family pressure or can be for their own benefits. Is this what u call Bi sexuality ???? My dear friend ” nolin” … u have sadly mistaken in this point and see this is typical Sri Lankan Bi sexual mans attitude. U dont have to be sorry for the gay men ” nolin” simply because as u said they get the sexual pleasure by men not women. So i dont think they have a problem with that.
And as the missing sandwich said been Gay men need to accept them self as gay without acting Bi and put another womans life in to trouble and Bi men need to be Bi without thinking Bi sexuality is a license to have sex with who ever u want to . Yes that can be true if ur single. Not when u are committed to a another person ( man or a woman. )
I want to point out some thing else also . The Sri Lankan society’s “it’s ok to be Bi not ok to be gay” attitude is pathetic. All what they say is it doesn’t matter who ever u have sex with as long as u **** a woman… so that means if ur a man U HAVE TO **** A WOMAN… and that makes u a man.So in this case every one is Bi just because they want to be accepted by the society and treated like a MAN. And they love this image “I’ll screw any one, I’m a player”
One thing every one has forgotten is BI SEXUALITY means ” people who get attracted to both genders ( male female ) Emotionally, Mentally and psychically ”
Though u ONLY HAVE SEX with both genders that doesn’t make u bi.
I don’t know if I feel uneasy with gay people. (I’ve never known if I had a gay friend). But I’m quite sure I won’t find it hard to friend with a lesbo.
Anyway there’s a scientific explanation of homosexuals that I believe. So I know that now I can’t be gay even if I wanted (Not that I ever gonna want or need).
The XX fetus which gets more female hormones at the age of brain growth turns more or less gay. Because it’s a mans body having a womens brain inside. Brain sees another man as screwable and here comes a gay. The other way around produces a lesbian.
But I’m not sure if bi-sexuality is possible. It’s not just me, even scientists doubt the fact. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/05/health/05sex.html (Sigmund Freud is bi-sexual?. Bummer )
Anyway one might be able to turn self in to a bi. real example: porn stars who are lesbian but doing men for money. This should be really hard but people do anything for money 🙂 .
“a bi-sexual can never be faithful.”
Let’s assume bi-sexuality is possible (No offense but I don’t feel anything other than straight 😉 ), I don’t think they’ll have feelings in any higher density than a straight has.
This is normally how people think of gay/lesbian too. People (majority-straight) thinks that homos are a kind of people always craving for sex.
It’s natural that a straight having feelings for more than one at the same time. gay/lesbian/bi people would have similar feelings but nothing more than that (if not other mental or physical problems)
After all a “Human can never be faithful” 😀
I wrote a couple of blogs about this very topic. Check them out: http://sunnydelyte21.wordpress.com
It was really hard to find this comic again on Google. (First seen on my twitter feed)
IF YOU ARE GAY OR BY PLEASE DO NOT MARRY.
My sister met a guy just after she left school. They got married when my sister was 21. Eighteen years and Four kids later the guy said he is gay. My sister is a wreck. She is going through a difficult divorce while taking care of 4 kids. The guy is no help. He is having fun with men.
I really don’t know what emotional damage this has done to the kids. if they will ever have normal relationships or happy marriages
So many lives messed up because of a selfish man.
I don’t think gays are badly off in Sri Lanka. We elect gay politicians.