This is all about changing attitudes and if there is actually a right or wrong way to do it.
To change racism or homophobia for instance you need to first change the attitudes and mindsets of people.
A lively debate sprung up over a drink last night. The two points of argument were as follows
1. To change attitudes you must first find common ground. Between gays and straights for instance. They are different only in a few ways, one being their sexual preferences. There is much more common ground to be found than the differences we seek. Tamils and Sinhalese are essentially different due to accident of birth and thereby culture. But again, there are mixed race friendships and marriages because the 2 parties found common ground that was bigger. Maybe little things like the love of a song or walks on the beach. Whatever form common ground comes in, it is still common ground.
Shouldn’t we share our commonalities first as a path to celebrate and appreciate our differences?
2. Difference is difference. Its all around us and we need to learn to accept it. If I’m Gay I’ll grope my lover in public and you deal with it kind of approach for instance. Agreed; no one needs to hide who they are. They shouldn’t have to. Too many people wear masks in this world that has become our detriment. But on the flip side, it is something that is perfect in theory. Like Marxism or Socialism one might say but not practical. It may seem unfair but attitudes being as they are won’t this result in hate crimes for instance? If you’re loud and proud and gay in the face of someone who is deeply disturbed by it, wouldn’t it enrage him to act drastically? I am not blaming the gay person here at all – I am blaming the man who finds it disturbing. But we can’t deny that he is in-fact disturbed. Is he going to change the way he thinks when you rub something disturbing in his face?
Is boldness resulting in possible martyrdom the way to change people eventually? It worked for Christianity after all.
I hope I haven’t sounded like I am taking one side of the argument over the other. I am merely trying to capture the essence of the conversation last night and present it to you how it was said.
How do we change attitudes?
In a simple scenario, how do I get someone to like Jazz when he is hung up on Hip-Hop?
Or is it not so simple when it comes to the real issues we have?
To me, the obvious path is to first explore and enjoy the commonalities we have.
Once you have forged a friendship, it’s much easier to work out the differences ya?
Of course, it has to be a two way street.
Why do you want the hip-hop lover to enjoy Jazz? I say, leave him/her be. Everybody needs their personal space. They will embrace it when they are good and ready.
I do not think one should “rub-it-in” when it is obvious that he/she is swimming against the tide (so to speak). For example, if you were homophobic but somehow ends up in a Gay-bar (don’t ask me how), you shouldn’t be trying to emphasize that you are “straight” – don’t you think? Instead they should either soak-in the atmosphere or leave the place.
Of course the majority must ensure they protect and respect the minority, otherwise it will not work out
Thought this might pop up….
Please note that what I have to say, I say for myself and that I’m not speaking for/or on behalf of anyone but myself.
1. I am not proud to be gay in the same way you are not proud to be straight.
2. Just because I’m gay, it does not automatically place me in a community that fight to be accepted.
3. I don’t feel the need to be accepted by anyone, anywhere.
4. I don’t expect people to understand, accept, sympethise or acknowledge.
5. I would go for a PRIDE party for the simple reason of having fun.
6. I do not have more gay friends than straight friends.
7. I wouldn’t give a fuck if Benjamin Franklin was homophobic, or cancerous or radio-active.
8. I don’t care that Melissa Ethridge is a lesbion.
Call me a crude, selfish asshole but that doesn’t change how I feel.
Why is it that everyone thinks the the gay community “needs” to be accepted?
i think it’s because gay guys try too hard and are sometimes too ‘in-your-face’ about it. whenever i hang out with gay friends, the answer to any question i ask them starts with ‘honey, i’m gay… i….(followed by the actual answer). i don’t see straight people having ’straight parades’ and ’straight weeks’… i also don’t see straight people making a fuss about being straight. for example, i’ve never heard the term ‘i’m straight and proud’. i suppose it’s all this fuss making that gets to people… it’s like any religion. no one would have a problem with muslims when they do their own thing. but when they get all extremist and put on loud prayers and the like, it gets really annoying. who you are is one thing, but don’t stick it in my ears!
@ Ruks,
Probably because the majority of the LGBT community insist on demanding that they be given “acceptance”.
I believe this is one of the main misson statements of the many LGBT NGO’s we have in this country.
P.S.
and they claim to be the “official” voice of tthe LGBT community in Sri Lanka!!
How about I am Sri Lankan and I am a person? do you still have to deal with it?
By the way I am an android and I don’t have these issues
For what it’s worth and in reply to Ruks, I think that any minority “needs” to be accepted as much as possible because that’s how the minority gets to a position in which it’s not discrminated against in mainstream society (whatever that is).
I don’t think it’s about demonstrating one’s pride in being gay, straight or even Welsh, not everyone needs to fight for a cause. Acceptance is a powerful thing though.
//Tamils and Sinhalese are essentially different due to accident of birth and thereby culture//
Can anybody name single thing uncommon?
True, why they have to rub their gayness on other people noses if that desorbs other people’s sleep or some sort of a thing like that. But does that so call “other people” is some sort of a dog or a sleeping beast to be disturbed by the smell of perfume and wake up to be monsters? May be they are, but I think they should not be.
// how do I get someone to like Jazz when he is hung up on Hip-Hop?//
it is pretty simple. isn’t it? Just tell him, if you did not listen to Jazz, we will not talk to you, we will kill you, burn your village, burn your family, rape your virgin daughters and kill your sons. And once you die, we will not leave you alone, we will put you in an oven and bake you in dry heat forever – tell your children that everyday and get government funding for spread the message – or in other word, make Jazz a religion like all other religions.
Interesting post.. love the read.. funny how you compare two differently discriminated parties in SL. Somehow I think the gay’s are better off, than the Tamils. The real bummer is if your a Gay Tamil I guess.
While everything except their sexual pref/ethnicity I believe everything is common. SL is progressing in accepting gays, with so many famous ppl who have openly expressed their orientations and some gotten surgery as well. If you go back 15 years, that wouldn’t be heard of. So when you observe a gay, you’d probably look twice, and move on.. maybe bitch abt him/her at coffee with ur friends/family the next time.
Is it the same response that a tamil youth would get when somebody observes him? How many cmb ppl would look more than twice and try to figure out whether he/she is LTTE or alteast LTTE supporter. But pls keep in mind this discrimination is all courtesy of the LTTE, somehow they have made it worse for the tamils they originally fought for against discrimination and an equal place in society.
i don’t think it’s fair to be judgmental .. why criticise someone who’s donated something for someone when it’s easy to sit in our cars or slippers and look at someone who’se say cripped when we’re not the ones to have supplied that wheel chair? what’s wrong with having donated this? we have no right to assume that it’s a show off exerices
The message a homophobic needs to receive is that ‘Gay people are human’. But how should this message be deilvered? Imagine a Gay person meeting a homophobic guy and saying “Hi! If you are homophobic I don’t give a damn! I am gay and I am proud! Now let me shake your hands”. Now imagine a straight person telling the homophobic “Yeah I know how you feel. The very idea of a gay person sounds so ugly and scary right? I felt the same some time back. But after meeting some gay people and doing some hard thinking I don’t feel that way anymore. They seem to be just ordinary people like you and me. They are only different when it comes to having sex. But luckily we don’t have to watch them having sex
” Now which message is likely to be more effective? From a homophobic the very idea of a gay person standing in front of him would be so disturbing he is unlikely to be in a mood to listen. But luckily there are enough straight people who are not homophobic who can educate him and prepare him to accept gay people as human. The media can help by introducing possitive gay charactors in movies and tele dramas etc. So we don’t have to choose between asking all the gay people to pretend that they are straight for the rest of their lives and asking them to go around looking for homophobic people and saying “Look I am gay. I know you are homophobic so I want to be loud and proud infront of you so that you will change eventually.” There are so many better way to spread the message. None of these messages are going to change attitudes in a matter of days. Change takes time but such messages will definitely help.
About “how do I get someone to like Jazz when he is hung up on Hip-Hop?” well you don’t have to. If someone doesn’t like Jazz then that’s fine. He doesn’t have a problem. But if he gets so ‘disturbed’ every time someone says ‘I like Jazz’ that he ends up getting into a fight with anyone who mentions their interest in Jazz then he has a problem similar to the homophobic kind. Otherwise he just doesn’t have any problem!
As for the Tamil question – it is a completely different story I think – I can go on and on and make this comment grow into a huge book. But I am going to be good and stop now.
@Ruks
“..3. I don’t feel the need to be accepted by anyone, anywhere…”
But the trouble is so many people lose jobs,get beaten up and sometimes get killed because they are gay – even though they don’t go around saying “Hey I am proud about being Gay! Everyone look at me!” This is happening all over the world.
Since some of us straight guys go so crazy and violent every time we come across a gay guy , we (the ’straight community’ he he!) have a problem don’t we?. So we need to deal with it. We have to learn to leave the gay people alone just like we leave other straight people alone. I think that is what some people call ‘acceptance’.I think that’s what most gay people mean when they say ‘We want acceptance’. I think they are just saying ‘Please leave us alone!’. Now don’t you think you would like some ‘acceptance’?
I can’t figure out if tamil(i?) ideas about being gay is better or worse than that of the ruling government. I’ve been looking for a quick answer, and it has been hard to find.
U go girl!
Yes , I know one of my friend who is a tamilian who is a gay !Hi name is praveen Kannan, he is a gay, he tries to expose his ass to all the men by not wearing proper pants he shows hiss every time in public !
@Ruks and everyone else who talked about not feeling the need to be accepted and not understanding why gay people need to be proud of being gay
a) Gay pride is not really about being proud of being gay. Its about not-being ashamed of being gay. Its truly about self-acceptance.
b) As for not needing acceptance – to me the fight is not about acceptance by society. Its for getting equal rights under the law and making sure that when those are violated, the law does something about it. once thats established, I don’t think you’ll see too many people asking/demanding for acceptance. It will happen or not happen on its own.
Well I’m cool with gays (and even tamils). I think fighting for acceptance might help you in terms of legal issues (like the whole gay marriage thiny in US a while back). But law and society are 2 different things.
u might be able to convince the law to sign a piece of paper allowing you to be with the person you love, but society being a bit more complex, however, is less predictable. for some you maybe appealing and for some u may just be plain gross.. and some might wish that gay ppl didn’t make such a big deal about it (i think i fall into this category).
I’ve known a few gay ppl and personally i think they make too much of a big deal about it. there are things that makes me different than the majority, but i don’t go around saying “Hey i’m short! u dnt like it? u cn ef off cuz i’m short and proud!”. I mean gay ppl can be so much more than just gay! why don’t they emphasize as much on other aspects of their lives? its as if they make ‘Gayness’ the defining element of their lives. Being straight isn’t what defines me.
I think ppl should fight only where a fight is called for. like justajester said, u shudn’t prefix ur answers with “Honey, I’m gay!! ….”. And if someone wants to display their emotions in public, they should respect ppl around them and think 2ice before they do (there could be children watching:p).
I will accept ppl as long as their not assholes or annoying. And ppl who over do shit, are annoying.